Blind Fidelity

05/05/2016

His heart was pounding so rapidly, he feared that, in a moment or two, it would tear through his chest and fall onto the floor- not that he’d even notice anyway; the only things he could think about were the faces of his dead friends, his intense fear of dying and his acute desire to make it out alive- to be able to kiss his daughter on the forehead again, to tell her he loves her.

In the very back of his mind, he wondered what had put him in this position in the first place- running senselessly to his death. Was it blind fidelity? Fraudulent jingoism? Or was it his constant desire to prove himself as a man?

Either way, there he was, a flimsy tin hat sitting uncomfortably atop his head, a Bible concealed beneath the ragged khaki- the uniform of his doom- and a bayonet bouncing up and down repeatedly between his anxious hands. He was nothing more than a heroic coward. A scared soldier.

Then, he saw it: the scene of a group of men he once knew, lying dead, scattered like unwanted clothes outside a charity shop, with pained, distant expressions strewn permanently across their faces, their blood flowing copiously into the welcoming vessels of the ground. Rest in peace, comrades. Rest in pain. Rest in power.

The scene of his dead, mutilated friends was almost too much to bear. Tom broke down and cried tears of dread and desperation. It was absolutely terrifying, because, in that moment, he had caught a glimpse of his inevitable future.

When the storms come

I wrote this poem at 1AM this morning; it is about facing adversity while maintaining one’s strength. 

When the wind blows and the clouds cry,

I will step outside and I will close my eyes,

I will not cry.

I will dance

like nobody is watching

I will sing

like my voice carries with it the beauty of a thousand fine-tuned melodies,

I will be

The girl that lives so anxiously within me.

When the storms come,

The rain will wash my shell away

And I will shed my skin

The rain will illuminate my soul and I will be whole

Again.

The clouds will cry to give way to the sun,

But I will smile and take what is mine.

When I close my eyes and dance in the rain,

I will be born again.