Sometimes awkward is not impossibly cute;

sometimes it feels like metal rope

is tying your body to itself.

 

Sometimes sadness is not just smudged makeup and hugs

that pick you up and somehow force your broken pieces back together.

Sometimes sadness is crippling.

 

Sometimes anxiety is more than just heavy breathing and a flurry of thoughts.

It feels like your heart is trying to drown itself in your own blood,

Like constantly closing your eyes and missing the last step on the way down.

 

Sometimes depression is not delicate tears falling onto dog-eared journals;

Sometimes it is your brain, perpetually rotting away at its seams.

 

Sometimes, in this mind of mine, sturdy bridges rust

And golden mangoes turn brown

 

And nobody can save me. My story is not a fairytale.

This mind is mine forever and I hope that

Someday I will make it my home.

---

Sadia Ahmed, 2017